So I went to class. It was located just behind the actual store so I had 0 chance of getting lost. I arrived about 15 minutes early and was greeted by a man I’ll call Bob. Bob’s got a nice hook to his nose that may have been passed down from an old drunk or a boxer. He held a file of papers in one hand and gently rubbed the fine material of his American Legion windbreaker with the other. Small talk began as it usually does, starting with the weather and progressing to the faults of others. The instructor hadn’t arrived yet and that left me listening to Bob explain the complexities of the “Internest” and how hard it was to get this paperwork done. I stared down the road trying to pretend that I didn’t just want desperatly to leap into the oncoming lanes of traffic…just to spice things up a bit.
The Teacher arrived and greeted us with big smiles and a bigger gut, this man could have been starting his maternity leave. It wouldn’t be as bad if he didn’t seem to have a habit of rocking his hips back while leaning on something so the stomach could look more like a baby Koala hidden under his shirt.
We entered and were joined by Steve, a verten of the Pizza Place company form a year back in CO. Having moved, he needed to be reoriented. I was stuck in another closet with a computer to fill out paperwork I had filled out the night before, apparently it didn’t take. Teach started side one of the Propaganda reel and let it play. I gave up my social security number again and again.
While I believe knowin how the company started is a nice little history lesson and something I could tell customers as a stall, I really…don’t…care. So, we watched the video again while filling out test forms based on stuff we read and things we hadn’t read or would go over in class. Sounds crazy right? Well, it is. But with a multiple choice test how bad can you do?
That’s not the set up of a joke or anything, it just wasn’t a hard test.
The Teacher played the video again. Making it three times in total I got the instructions on the Company Cheer from a man in, get this, a tiny office and a handy cam. Oh, how I aspire to have one of my own. We were also treated to the Indian (like, from India) and Japaneese comercials for the cmopany. I can’t get them out of my head. Much more sining, dancing, and accordian playing over seas.
Things got all strange and serious during a video about stealing from the company. Apparently pizza theft is rampant in this county and it’s up to me to stop. Right up there with drug use and forrest fires on my list of responsibilities.
Teach begins going into the briefest forms of presentation, Scene: images flashing by on a shoddy screen, quick shots of powerpoints, pizza, logos ala the Ludavico Technique. He basically clicks as fast as he can talk and points out anything that’s an answer on a test, I get the feeling I won’t always have people doing my work for me but I’ll ride it while I can.
At this point, Teach and Bob have begun vieing for spotlight in the ”oldman with the most stories” competition. Teach is being kind and letting him finish, which takes about 15 min. per story, at the end of which we all wonder how he’s related to the guy he was talking about. Teach doesn’t miss a beat though and navigates us back on task.
The task at had is, how I’m almost definetly gonna get robbed. Don’t about you but I had no idea it was this big a problem. I can’t have more than a Jacksone on me, including my own money or I run the risk of being terminated. We covered the basics of robbery, what it would look like, what to do, and just as I got the feeling we were gonna be role playing these situations in a bit, we moved on.
We shifted modes from fear mongering to good old begging for money. The company has a big thing where they take a lil cash out of your paycheck and pay it into a fund that helps employees in need. (Had to be synical about something that nice). So I decide to donate 0, I need all the cash I can get from this job to make rent. And walk out feeling dazed, used, and quiet robable.
Next…I get an audio tour.
